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onramp year two 2002
onramp year one 2001
Dustbin days- 2000
2000-09-13 - 18:18:28
so... we went looking ofr houses again today. it is so oddto look in windows of empty places and not let myself think of the way i would decorate it. i could easily let myself get too attached to a place to find it's not the one. funny how after so long i don't do that with people anymore. i feel kind of proud of that. but it leads to this ultra independece that keeps people at arms length. i am kind of getting over that. it helps to be in the company of someone who doesn't mind me depending on them once in a while. still, sometimes i feel defiant when he asks me what i am thinking and i really want it to stay inside. i want this independence and i don't know why. he asks me why i care what others think. and i don't know. he wants to know why i am so insecure when people see me as so strong. i don't have answers for him. i could use the cop out answer of that is what the past has taught me. i don't want to be overshadowed by my cool boyfriend with the record/sticker distro company empire. "i'm the zine girl with a million distant friends" it seems like the cycle repeats but not really at all. i lose the desire to help out when i'm not needed. or at least i feel like i'm not needed when actually am needed more for support i guess. i really should stop to think more often. i have been a little behind on readind books that aren't fiction. my mind will turn to mush if i don't stop only thinking of personal issues. i can feel a change in me from where i was last year. my thoughts and feelings are differnt. i feel now. i let myself get upset and hysterical. it kind of scares me sometimes. is this normal? do i scare other people? it is a strange was to look at myself. wow this has gone a totally differnt way htan i had expected. i gotta get ready for work.-alex
***MICROCOSM PUBLISHING***we make 1" buttons, stickers, shirts, and patches. we also distro recrods, books, zines and more. this is how joe and i make a living
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