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onramp year two 2002
onramp year one 2001
Dustbin days- 2000
2000-12-22 - 04:18:29
once in my note book....actually in a letter i will never send, i wrote about how i used to treat my emotions like a rock until i cracked. now, sometimes. i feel like i treat others like a rock and when they crack i just whip out a convincing apology and they melt with open arms. may be this is all situational but, it's kinda funny how i have this feeling tonight. i am trying ot figure out if it is fair or not. in a way i really am sorry that i hurt them but i'm not sorry for how i feel about the situstion.it's kin of sad really how a sincere apology makes such a difference.
robert (an ex) said i am more cynical than i used to be. somethime i think it is more than that. i think i am all around colder.... or at least alex is colder than sunshine(my real name) ever was. but sunshine was always expected to be happy.
it has been along time since i have cried and even longer since i have cried sober. i'm the rock sometimes... the true rock i'm too content,too stable. it seems odd to me that i am in a relationship that i don't have to to worry about losing someone and that there doesn't seem to be anything that can't be fixed by long drawn out tedious conversations standing in the cold and half hearted i'll catch up later converations apopgies won't fix cause i will never be the little revolutionary that he wants me to to be if i decide to ride the bus, pay full price, or buy something i need at wallgreens. he mat not say it or deliberatly ridicule but, i don't have the words to explain th "you should know better" tone of vioce and the "equipment for revolution" eyes. it suits even if hte intent is differnt, it still hurts. he acts like it is something that should be ingrained in me by now. i'm not him. he thinks these things keep us at a distance but i think these things keep us independent.
***MICROCOSM PUBLISHING***we make 1" buttons, stickers, shirts, and patches. we also distro recrods, books, zines and more. this is how joe and i make a living
BUY A COPY OF THE STOLEN SHARPIE REVOLUTIONG BOOK FOR $5 POSTAGE PAID
/>my mom has a floor length black denim and red leather fringe duster....very embarassing to a vegan. - too much coffee, music as salvation, and the worth of online diaries.
